Church

How not to be a good parent to a transgender child

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There was an article referred to me by a concerned conservative Christian who believed I might have an insight into the very damaging behavior revealed. After reading this article entitled “What I’ve Learned Rescuing My Daughter From Her Transgender Fantasy” by the
“author” Charlie Jacobs (a pen name), I believe the person who wrote this article needs to be arrested for child abuse. Sadly, the Daily Signal, the propaganda arm for the Heritage Foundation, had no issues releasing an article that encourages other parents to abuse their children in the same manner.

You may think I am being too harsh on this false identity who claims to be the parent of two teenage children, one female and one male being abused into remaining female for fear of being further abused. I am not being harsh enough in my opinion. Let me show you what I mean. All quotes used here are free use under the educational exemption under US Copyright Law.

My daughter’s story is no longer novel. Stories like it are occurring in your state, your town, and perhaps even on your street. Gender dysphoria—the incongruence between the mind and the body—moves stealthily and quickly to invade girls and boys alike.

But this isn’t a cautionary tale. It’s a warning.

“What I’ve Learned Rescuing My Daughter from Her Transgender Fantasy.” 2021. The Daily Signal. December 13, 2021. https://www.dailysignal.com/2021/12/13/what-ive-learned-rescuing-my-daughter-from-her-transgender-fantasy/.

From the very first blush the author makes it out like they are a hero. They think they are saving their child from some monstrous agenda to turn all children transgender. However, they are really working to make themselves look like less of a monster when you read the abusive and damaging behavior they participated in. They want to create a narrative where when their child commits suicide or accuses them of child abuse later in life, then they can point to this article as their defense from the consequences of their actions. And trust me, one of those outcomes will happen. Study after study have shown that this is what happens when this form of child abuse is prevalent in the home.

Then, my daughter immersed herself into anime art and cosplaying, the hobby of dressing like fantastical characters. I supported her creative side.

I didn’t know that anime and cosplaying can overwhelm a young mind. I didn’t know that anime and cosplaying involved gender-bending themes and that the community crosses into pedophilic and sexual themes.

I also didn’t know that the older cosplay community groomed the younger cohorts. 

During that same time period, my daughter went through Teen Talk—a Manitoba, Canada-based program that says it provides “youth with accurate, [nonjudgmental] information” on “sexuality, reproductive health, body image, substance use awareness, mental health, issues of diversity, and anti-violence issues”—at her public school.

She came home with a whole new language. She and all her girlfriends discussed their labels—polyamorous, lesbian, pansexual. None of the five girls chose “basic,” their term for a straight girl. 

“What I’ve Learned Rescuing My Daughter from Her Transgender Fantasy.” 2021. The Daily Signal. December 13, 2021. https://www.dailysignal.com/2021/12/13/what-ive-learned-rescuing-my-daughter-from-her-transgender-fantasy/.

In other words, anime and proper, biologically correct sex education turned her daughter transgender. None of that has caused the millions of children around the world to turn into mindless droves of transgender children seeking out hormones at all cost. Neither have they turned into “pedophilic and sexual” beings. There have been 4 arrests of members of the cosplay community in North America (USA and Canada) in the past 10 years. That is out of nearly 200 major cosplay events (over 100 attendees) and thousands of smaller cosplay events (under 100 attendees) in the past 10 years. That is far better record than the January 6, 2021 insurrection in the United States capital inspired by conservatives groups like the Daily Signal cater to.

The summer before ninth grade, she announced that she was transgender. Post-announcement, she began to threaten suicide. She sunk into deep depression…

They talked about how they are really boys, not girls. They discussed “top surgery” (that is, having their breasts removed) and “packers” that create a bulge in one’s pants to imply the presence of a penis.

My daughter’s electronic devices were filled with TikTok videos and YouTubers talking about how great they feel now that they had “transitioned.”

There were messages in which strangers told her to kick my head in because I was a “transphobe” for refusing to call her a male name.

“What I’ve Learned Rescuing My Daughter from Her Transgender Fantasy.” 2021. The Daily Signal. December 13, 2021. https://www.dailysignal.com/2021/12/13/what-ive-learned-rescuing-my-daughter-from-her-transgender-fantasy/.

She admits prior to this that she banned her child’s girlfriend from having anything to do with her. All because she was supportive of her desire to present as a male. She “claims” that they learned later that she molested their child. I find that hard to believe given the abuse this child endured from her parents. They would likely say anything to please their parents in order to stop the abuse.

Video of people expressing how good they feel after transitioning is not horrible or horrifying. This “parents” reaction to their child coming out is abusive. I also highly doubt that anyone suggested that the child “kick my head in”. Proof of this claim would need to be provided which this author does not do. So far, no proof of anything they said is given. Rather you are to take their word for these things and accept that they are the hero of the story.

I went nuclear. I took the phone and stripped it of all social media—YouTube, Instagram, Discord, Reddit, Pinterest, Twitter. I even blocked her ability to get to the internet. I deleted all of her contacts and changed her phone number.

I sat next to her while she “attended” school online via Zoom. I deleted YouTube from the smart TVs and locked up the remotes. I took every anime book from her room. I threw away all of her costumes. I banned any friend who was even the slightest bit unsavory.

I involved the police about the porn. I printed out the law and informed her that if anyone sent her porn, I would not hesitate to prosecute.

She hated me like an addict hates the person preventing her drug fix. I held my ground, despite the constant verbal abuse.

After going through seven mental health professionals, I found an out-of-state psychiatrist who was willing to examine the causality for my daughter’s sudden trans identity.

“What I’ve Learned Rescuing My Daughter from Her Transgender Fantasy.” 2021. The Daily Signal. December 13, 2021. https://www.dailysignal.com/2021/12/13/what-ive-learned-rescuing-my-daughter-from-her-transgender-fantasy/.

The only truthful thing this author says is in bold above. They went nuclear and fully abusive of their child. They isolated their child, took away any contact with the outside world, removed everything they liked and enjoyed and worked to psychologically abuse their child into submission. They did things that the seven mental health professionals they doctor shopped likely told them was highly abusive and would likely land them in jail. However, they continued to illegally doctor shop for one willing to assist in their abusive behavior.

This child hates their parents because their parents made it clear, you will be the child we want you to be, you will deny your real self or you will be abused until you die or are old enough to leave and never have anything to do with us again. Sadly, as a minister, I see tons of adults whose parents treated them like this as teenagers who now have nothing to do with their parents. They are finally happy and living their authentic lives without their parents. I have also met many parents who regret having abused their children for being their authentic selves but never got the chance to apologize because they had to bury their child after the committed suicide. In their notes left behind, they blamed the lack of love and support from their parents as they sought to be their authentic selves as the reason they killed themselves.

And yet, parents like the cowards who wrote this article under a false name, continue to abuse their children in the hopes that they will live the lives the parents want them to live. A parent’s love should be unconditional. They should love their child no matter who their child is. This poor child now knows that their parents hate who they really are and cannot be themselves around them or they will not be loved. That is the greatest form of abuse a child can have visited on them.

After a year and half of utter hell, my daughter is finally returning to her authentic self—a beautiful, artsy, kind and loving daughter.

I am not sure what the actual ingredients for the magic potion were for alleviating gender dysphoria in my daughter. The formula will vary, but what I did was, after a very brief misstep of using a male name, our family and all of the adults in my child’s life only used her birth name and corresponding pronouns.

We did not permit social transition, although we could not control the school setting. Unbelievably, our local Catholic high school refused to follow our edict. 

As I mentioned previously, we pulled the plug on all social media and her access to anyone other than those persons we vetted. I forced my daughter to listen to specific podcasts on the subject while driving her to school. I printed out stories about female detransitioners (women who had medicalized, but then regretted their actions and returned to living as a woman) and left them throughout the house. 

I left all of my research out in plain view, including “Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters” by Abigail Shrier, “Gender Dysphoria: A Therapeutic Model for Working With Children, Adolescents, and Young Adults” by Susan Evans, and other books.

I followed the advice of Parents for Ethical Care’s podcasts and the book “Desist, Detrans & Detox: Getting Your Child Out of the Gender Cult” by Maria Keffler…

I let her see my posters from the protests I attended.  I peppered her with questions that demonstrated the illogic of the gender ideology. I happened to have funny gender-critical memes on my computer when she walked into my office. Most importantly, I held my ground. I refused to accept her delusion with compassion.

I know that I have to continue to be tenacious as the gender ideology has crept into every facet of life. But for now, I can breathe a sigh of relief.   

“What I’ve Learned Rescuing My Daughter from Her Transgender Fantasy.” 2021. The Daily Signal. December 13, 2021. https://www.dailysignal.com/2021/12/13/what-ive-learned-rescuing-my-daughter-from-her-transgender-fantasy/.

All of the above shows the lengths this parent when to in order to brainwash their child into being a different human being. These are tactics that are outlawed by international laws as being abusive of any human being much less a child. It is little wonder that their child changed who they are. The most hardened soldier put through this type of abuse would likely crack too.

It is my hope that Canadian officials investigate these “parents” and remove those children from them. Hopefully after real therapy and assurance that they can live their lives without abuse and manipulation, they will find happiness and peace living their authentic selves.

In conclusion, when my daughter came out as transgender, I offered my love and support. I helped her establish her identity as she felt it should be. I fought for her every step of the way when family, schools, and random strangers misgendered her. I fought transphobes and the trolls and terrorist like these parents on the internet. Today, my daughter is a happy and healthy young woman of 21 years old. Maybe the depression and suicidal ideations were not because their child was transgender. Maybe it was because the child knew their parents did not love and support them as who they were.

Zebras, ulcers, and me

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A friend of mine asked me the other day if I knew why Zebras don’t get ulcers (a concept that also has a book written about it). I did not have a clue why they didn’t especially since they are hunted by so many predators.

Unlike us human beings, Zebras deal with the immediate danger by flight or fight, however, once the immediate danger is over, the Zebra continues like nothing happened. The Zebra does not revisit the issue, analyze the good and bad, or dwell on the hurt or betrayal. It moves on like nothing happened.

The Zebra also doesn’t worry about the next attack or predator. It does what it normally does until faced with danger again. It does not worry about its next meal or drink. It just looks for it like it always does until it finds what it needs.

We dwell on issues. Someone hurts us, then we dwell on it. We follow them, keep them close. Hence the old adage, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. In reality when we do that we continue to allow them to affect our lives, we keep reliving the past hurt, pain, frustration, and etc.

This is a hard lesson, trust me, I know! I am still trying to learn this. I go and visit the websites of people who hurt me. I look them up on Facebook to see what they are saying and doing. And by doing so, my blood pressure goes up, I get frustrated and angry. Or I get sad and depressed. Either way, it only damages me. It does not damage them. They could care less!

So my lesson for today is to learn to let go. Stop living in the past. Stop worrying about what was and what could have been. Instead, I am going to focus on today. I am going to focus on the future, free of the hurt and pain of the past. (And I am going to use the Facebook block people feature more often!)

Will you walk this path of letting go with me?

X-Files: The two natures of man

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Many of you know that I have a rather interesting taste in music, tv shows and movies. The recent announcement that Fox was bringing back the X-Files sent my heart aflutter. Most of the episodes have been ok. The cast is a little older and the writers a little less out there, but it is a good season nonetheless. I hope they bring it back next season.

That said, I was struck by a line out of tonight’s episode entitled “Babylon”.

‘I saw deep and unconditional love,’ Mulder explained.

‘I witnessed unqualified hate that appears to have no end,’ Scully retorted.

‘How to reconcile the two…the extremes of our nature?’ Mulder mused.

Anyone who knows me knows that this is a question I have been asking myself for several years now. And here we are in an election cycle that has shown that “unqualified hate that appears to have no end.”

One of the premises of this episode was that people are open to suggestion; that words and ideas have weight. When we support, either outright or by our silence, the verbiage of hate, we help it take root in the lives of those who look to us for guidance.

On the other side of that lies the issue of how to address such hate without becoming hateful ourselves. Sometimes it is not about what we say, but how we say it. As a pastor, I struggle with this all the time. Sometimes I need to say something about the actions or attitudes of others, but I must remember to do so in Christian love and charity so as to not become what I am preaching against.

I have had several people ask me if I have watched the political debates. The answer is no…no I have not watched them. I am not sticking my head in the sand or ignoring the political issues. Rather, I refuse to allow the anger, vitriol and hate that is being spread by some politicians to enter my heart or mind. It is bad enough that I have to see what they say on Facebook and on Internet news sites.

This Lent, I encourage you to help change the conversation. Use the power of suggestion to help brighten the world around you, rather than continuing the march of anger and hate.

In the final scene of tonight’s X-Files, discussing what we should do to reconcile the notion of hate and love and what God is trying to say to us, Agent Scully says to Agent Mulder: “Maybe we should do like the prophets and open our hearts and truly listen.”

That is my call to you this Lent. Open your hearts and truly listen to the unconditional, unending love of God.

Christians: Stop shooting the wounded!

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A wise man once said to me that Christians are the one group that tends to eat their young. He also said that we tend to shoot our wounded. While that may be a gross image, what he meant was that we tend to attack and devour anyone in our midst who we disagree with or find to be odd.

And today, we as Christians continue that trend of devouring our young or shooting our wounded. We look at our brothers and sisters in Christ and if we do not like what we see, if they are not up to our standards of what a Christians should be, we tend to begin gnawing on them. We in the Independent Sacramental Movement are the worst about this. We forget that we are all wounded and imperfect individuals.

We look at our brothers and sisters and being to pick them apart: They are too prideful. They are too full of ego. They are too hard on people. They are weird. They have a history. They went to jail as a youth. They are too fat. They are gluttons. They dress funny. They talk funny. They smoke. They are always sick. They think they know everything. They…they…they…

We even being to assign tags to them: They are dangerous. They are vile. They are hateful. They are to be avoided. They are crazy. They are stupid. They are insolent. They…they…they…

And before you say it, if you are thinking, “But I don’t act that way.” or “I have a good reason to say that about so and so.” Then stop and realize, this message is for you.

Now let us ask ourselves a couple of very pointed questions. 1) What did Jesus say about such things? 2) How did he instruct us to live? and 3) Are we living that way?

1) The first question is the most important. What did Jesus say about such things. Many of you will immediately begin with the money changers in the temple. “Jesus threw them all out of the temple. He was justified in his assessment and anger. He even called the Pharisees vipers!” You are right. Jesus did. But we are not the Son of God either. When mortal men, like you and I, came before Jesus with the woman caught in adultery, what did Jesus do? Here, let me help you:

Now the scribes and Pharisees brought forward a woman caught in adultery, and they stood her in front of them. And they said to him: “Teacher, this woman was just now caught in adultery. And in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such a one. Therefore, what do you say?” But they were saying this to test him, so that they might be able to accuse him. Then Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the earth. And then, when they persevered in questioning him, he stood upright and said to them, “Let whoever is without sin among you be the first to cast a stone at her.” And bending down again, he wrote on the earth. But upon hearing this, they went away, one by one, beginning with the eldest. And Jesus alone remained, with the woman standing in front of him. Then Jesus, raising himself up, said to her: “Woman, where are those who accused you? Has no one condemned you?” And she said, “No one, Lord.” Then Jesus said: “Neither will I condemn you. Go, and now do not choose to sin anymore.” (John 8:3-11 CPDV)

The authorities were well within their rights to bring this woman up on charges. The Law of Moses said she should be stoned to death for her crime. However, Jesus did something unprecedented. He challenged the law and the authorities and offered a path of love, mercy and forgiveness. He gave her another chance to be different, to change her life, to live anew in freedom. How many times have we denied this opportunity to our brothers and sisters? Bishop, Priests, Deacons: I am speaking to you! How many times have we looked at our fellow brothers and sisters in ministry and immediately taken a dislike to them? How many time have we judged them through the lens of others gossip about them, or others opinions about them? How often have we decided that we are God and judges, sentenced and executed them all the while feeling justified in doing so?

2) How did Jesus teach us to live? This too is a good question we must ask ourselves. How many times have we been hurt by our brothers or sisters, how many times have we perceived a wrong being committed against us? And how did we act or react? How did Jesus instruct us to act?

But I say to you who are listening: Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you, and pray for those who slander you. And to him who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your coat, do not withhold even your tunic. But distribute to all who ask of you. And do not ask again of him who takes away what is yours. And exactly as you would want people to treat you, treat them also the same. And if you love those who love you, what credit is due to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you will do good to those who do good to you, what credit is due to you? Indeed, even sinners behave this way. And if you will loan to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is due to you? For even sinners lend to sinners, in order to receive the same in return. So truly, love your enemies. Do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return. And then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and to the wicked. Therefore, be merciful, just as your Father is also merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you: a good measure, pressed down and shaken together and overflowing, they will place upon your lap. Certainly, the same measure that you use to measure out, will be used to measure back to you again.” (Luke 6:27-38 CPDV)

Wow! This is a far cry from what most Christians do today! We tend to label those that hurt us. We tend to shun them, talk bad about them, look for ways to attack them. But that is not Christ-like. That is not living the Gospel.

If anyone says that he loves God, but hates his brother, then he is a liar. For he who does not love his brother, whom he does see, in what way can he love God, whom he does not see? And this is the commandment that we have from God, that he who loves God must also love his brother. (1 John 4:20-21 CPDV)

Listen carefully to me, especially you pastors and teachers: If you do not love your brothers and sisters, you do not love God. Saint John makes this clear. If you say you love God, but hate your brother, you are a LIAR. A LIAR. Listen carefully to what else he says, “he who loves God MUST also love his brother. It does not say that we might love our brother. It does not say if we feel like loving our brother. It does not say if our brother has never hurt us or if our brother is our spiritual equal or if we believe our brother is worthy. NO, it says that we MUST love our brother.

3) Now let us look in the mirror. Are we living the way Christ instructed us to?

Before I get to that, go ahead and begin to rationalize your behavior and your feelings. I will wait.

Now, take a deep look into yourself. Do you love your brothers and sisters? Really? Are you willing to help them bear their cross? Are you willing to look beyond the superficial and see them as Christ sees them?

“But so and so is weird. Or they are dangerous. Or they have a history. Or they hurt my feelings. Or they looked at me wrong. Or their breathing on me. Or…or…or…”

But, before all things, have a constant mutual charity among yourselves. For love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without complaining. Just as each of you has received grace, minister in the same way to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. When anyone speaks, it should be like words of God. When anyone ministers, it should be from the virtue that God provides, so that in all things God may be honored through Jesus Christ. To him is glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 4:8-11 CPDV)

Look at that! Saint Peter commands us to have constant mutual charity toward our brothers and sisters. We cannot have that kind of mutual charity if we are always looking for the bad in each other. We cannot have that kind of mutual charity if we are always harboring anger, resentment and hatred toward one another. We cannot live that command if we are constantly looking down at our brothers and sisters.

And then Saint Peter says something remarkable. He says something I have seen happen time and time again. “For love covers a multitude of sins.” Saint Peter is saying that if we have love, we can overcome these little vices we see in each other. We can overcome the clouded perception we have of one another. We can overcome the slights, hurts and pains we have caused each other. If we only have love!

I want to close with this: We as clergy, we as Christians, have the great opportunity to minister as true mirrors of the risen Christ. We have a chance to love others as Christ does. We have the chance to effect real change in our families, our churches and our world. But if we really want to do that, we must stop focusing on the splinter in our brother’s eye and focus on removing the plank in our own.

Only then, can we truly see clearly enough to love as Christ loves us: unconditionally.