Let first caveat this posting with a couple of things. First, I am speaking only as myself. I am not speaking for the IOCC or any other church or organization. And second, it has been raining and gray for about a week now. This, of course, makes fighting my depression difficult. That said, here we go!
A lot has happened since the turn of the new year. In a lot of ways, things improved. In others, well, not so much. The size of our local parish tripled since the turn of the new year. My health has declined some, but such is life.
My son has blown this school year out of the water. Despite having a teacher that bullied him and all the drama and trips to the school that required, he has managed to keep an A average. He was given the chance to take a high school class via Virtual SC and although it was a half year class, he finished it in 7 weeks! And with an A no less!
My dear loving wife continues to work herself to the bone. As I type this, she is sick with a cold and has been coughing half the night. Thankfully, this is her weekend off. She works so very hard and that makes me feel so very bad that I cannot work to help her. I see her stress over the finances and such which serves to remind me that I have failed my family in so many ways. Of course, having to pay nearly $500 in taxes to South Carolina this paycheck just made matters worse. This is one of those weeks were we have a week to go and no money left. I don’t feel right about asking for help anymore, because it never seems to get any better. I know everyone is hurting right now and why should my financial burden burden others. And one temp solution offered to me I cannot bring myself to use. Only because I feel like it will be a burden.
I have been experiencing more pain in my spine than is usual. Of course, my doctor does not want to up my Celebrex, so I have to manage it as best I can without his help. Add to that the fact that I have a hemorrhoid that has been bleeding off and on for about 3 months now and you see the issues I am having. (I know, too much information!) Sadly, the hemorrhoid has not dropped enough to be removed…yet. And I too have had a cold since Holy Thursday. I am finally recovering, but it has been a daily struggle.
So why am I sharing all this? I have no idea. I felt inclined to let people see the very real struggles I face, that my family faces in the hopes that it may help others. People need to know that as clergy we are not super-humans. We are regular people, living regular lives. We bleed just like everyone else and we cry like everyone else.
Life is a daily struggle and some of us have it easier than others. And some of us have it worse than others. No matter what camp you fall into, you must always get up and put one foot in front of the other.